The undefeated Dons rolled into Benicia High Tuesday night, where Coach Alan debuted a fresh “high-and-tight” cut that screamed I’m ready. Unfortunately, his squad was focused on other things. Rumors had swirled amongst the girls that a parent had brought a pink box, and suddenly volleyball was secondary to dreams of Crumbl Cookies.

The first set was a mess early—too many unforced errors —and the Dons fell behind 7-11. Enter Francesca “Franchise” Barbano and Valentina Fantin, who collectively said “this is downright silly”. Franchise ripped off seven serves in a row (including two aces), while Valentina contributed three kills and a casual block, just for kicks and giggles. That swung the scoreboard to 14-11, and the Dons rode the momentum to a 25-18 win.

Set two was déjà vu: Dons fell behind early 9-14. Then sophomore southpaw Cameron Tabak—widely known to have an insatiable sweet tooth—started piling up timely kills, just enough to keep them alive. Bryn McCall tossed in two aces to give the Dons a smidgeon of breathing room, and then it was Abby “OMG I can drive!!” Haimovici’s time to shine. On her birthday, last year’s offensive MVP iced the Panthers with a petty tip followed by three straight serves, closing the book with a 25-19 victory.

The Dons beat the Panthers, leaving every parent to wonder how unstoppable they’d be if they attacked volleyballs with the same intensity they displayed facing the post-game Crumbl cookies. 

Disclaimer: This column is directionally accurate, but relies on rampant speculation and questionable statistics and attribution. Please read accordingly.